The fine art of leaving your sweetheart behind

Traveling is often seen as a solo endeavor, and that image has an undeniable romance to it — the archetype of the solo explorer traipsing through the jungle à la Dr Livingston is, for better or worse, well-ingrained in the collective consciousness.

But, as I argued in my very first Vagablogging post, traveling with a significant other or small group of friends is sometimes more rewarding. In the end, whether you go it alone or with a significant other the import thing is that you go.

However, there is one treacherous middle ground that most avoid– how do you travel alone when you have a significant other?

That’s the thorny question that the Brave New Traveler blog recently tackled, providing some tips for those of you in relationships, but wanting to travel solo.

Obviously no one knows your relationship, and every situation is different, but Brave New Traveler does have a few good ideas on how to (and more importantly, how not to) broach the subject.

Some might consider these ideas fairly obvious, but having watched several of the my traveling couple friends have falling outs over the issue, I think they bear repeating:

1. Be honest, sensitive, and rational — Brave New Traveler drolly suggests avoiding defensive statements like “if I wanted to cheat on you, why would I travel halfway around the world to do it?” Ya think?
2. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes — This is the best of the list. Try to think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
3. Compromise — if you can’t do this your relationship is doomed anyway, so you might as well just leave without the discussion. If you want to travel alone, consider perhaps a little time traveling together and then one of you continues on alone, that’s a compromise.

Here’s a personal example: My next extended trip is going to be a purely overland journey from Budapest to Tokyo (through the, you know, war-torn, dodgy parts, like the various ‘stans). Because I’m working on a book that takes place in that area I want to go alone so I can focus on writing. But my wife is interested in the Eastern Europe and Turkey portions of the journey so she’s coming along for a while and then plans to bailout and rejoin me in Tokyo — that’s a compromise.

The key to working things like this out is to communicate with your partner and be honest. As Brave New Traveler says, “relationships are hard work and each one is different. Just because yours doesn’t resemble others doesn’t mean that it’s somehow less serious or committed. However you do end up handling things, give yourself credit for being up front about your desires. Life’s too short to hold off on doing the things that matter to you.”

Also be sure to check out the comments on the post for some perspective on how others have handled the situation and, if you have any sage advice or wisdom, be sure to let us know.