Real life tips for the frequent traveler

If you vagabond by plane or over large distances, you’ve probably seen those articles in Conde Nast that purport to be for the “road warriors”: people who travel a lot. Usually they’re designed for the business traveler, but since much of the information in them is of staggering uselessness to anyone who travels a lot, regardless of purpose, you could consider them as being for you too. These articles have such timeworn travel tips as telling you to drink water on the plane, or stuff your shoes with underwear so they keep their shape. So what are some real tips that could help you on your frequent long-distance travels?

• Take up a quick, portable form of exercise — I recommend yoga or tai chi. Not only do you then immediately have something to do in waiting rooms, but you prevent deep-vein thrombosis, have a good conversations starter (“Excuse me, was that you I saw balancing on your forearms in the departure lounge?”), and keep yourself limber.
• BE NICE. Don’t be “that guy”…you know, the one who hassles and screams and elbows and says he will never fly this airline again. If you’re nice to gate agents, you might find yourself with an inadvertent upgrade; if you’re nice to flight attendants, you might get slipped an extra snack pack. Even if you get nothing material out of it, you can make someone’s day a whole lot nicer. I once offered to hug a gate agent when asking for information about when my plane would be showing up, and she almost cried, she was so happy not to be yelled at. I got upgraded to a window seat by telling a truly horrible joke to another gate agent. Be nice.
• Always carry food. I mean it. Even if you think you’re just going out for a walk, but especially when you’re going on a long trip. You never know when delays or unexpected sheep on the runway might leave you several days late. Go to a deli or bulk food store and get a bunch of snacks — dried fruit, nuts, fruit leathers, and those individually wrapped cheese sticks are all good. Also, most places that sell food to captive audiences (plane or train terminals, small boys leaning in the window of your bus, etc) are grossly overpriced.
• Bring dead batteries back to life. You can usually build up enough of a static charge in batteries by rubbing them briskly on your pants for a minute or two to last you another hour. This goes for cell phone batteries too. I haven’t tried it with laptop batteries.
• If you like tea, bring two or three of your favorite teabags with you in a side pouch. If you like coffee, you can get single-serving instant coffee packets from most grocery stores. You may be a coffee snob, but why pay $3.00 for a cup of hot water with a teabag dangling in it? This way, wherever there is boiling water, you can instantly have a refreshing beverage. Remember, if you’re in the third world: make sure the water’s been boiling for fifteen minutes.
• Ignore jet lag. Buy some melatonin pills and carry them with you, just in case. But the more you go on about how jet lag smacks you down, the more likely you are to get smacked down. Take some melatonin, have a nap, and make sure you adjust yourself to the time schedule of your current location.