Tell your SO you’re on your own

You’re in love and the road is calling…but it’s only asking to speak to you. Your significant other might be unable to get away for as long as you want to go, or couldn’t imagine wading through hipdeep mud to camp in the jungle in Guatemala, but you can’t think of anything better. So how do you tell him or her without ending the relationship? 

1. Just Spit It Out 

I’m a big fan of just sitting down with your SO and saying directly that you want to travel alone. Pick a time when you both are available so you can talk it out, sit your partner down on the couch and explain what you want to do, where you want to go, and why you want to go there alone. My boyfriend once told me, “You know how I like some privacy in the bathroom when I’m pooping? This is like that. I just need to do this for myself.” 

2. Be Sensitive 

What is it your partner might need to feel better about this? Reassurances go a long way, even if you think they are so obvious they should be unspoken – that’s exactly when they should be spoken! Tell her that you’ll plan another trip together for both of you. Promise to write emails every day (and then FOLLOW THROUGH). Reaffirm your wedding vows if you have them. Keep a private blog just for the two of you where you can share updates about each other’s lives while you’re on the road. 

Nobody likes to be “the one left behind”. Your partner wants to be involved in what you do, even if you’re doing it alone. Lots of I-love-yous can’t go wrong here. Ask him/her to special events before your flight takes off: the opera, a play, a walk in the park. Make sure your partner knows that, although you are leaving, you’re not leaving HIM (or her). 

3. Communicate a Lot 

Even the most sanguine and loving of partners can still be struck by jealousy, particularly if they’re the kind of person YOU, you wanderlust-having fiend, would get with in the first place. Encourage your partner to mention when she’s jealous of your trip, or having doubts. Is he feeling resentful that you’re traveling and he has to work? Is she feeling concerned that you’ll find a new love on the road or never come home? Without talking, some issues can become a lot bigger than they should be, so encourage an open dialogue about everything. This means YOU need to be receptive, caring, and most definitely not defensive. Use standard communication tools: I-statements (things like “I feel worried you will leave me for a hottie you meet in a hostel,” rather than “You’re going to sleep around, I know it!”), clarifications (repeat what your partner says back to them to confirm it’s what they meant and what you heard), and taking turns (don’t jump in, even if you have something important to say: wait for her to finish first). 

4. Actions Speak Louder Than Words 

All the I-statements and declarations of love in the world won’t mean squat if you head for the hills and aren’t heard from for two weeks. Your partner is your partner because he loves you and wants to be with you; going that long without notice from your best friend is a little nerve-racking. It doesn’t matter if you were herding goats in Turkmenistan and there was no internet: find a way to communicate. Nothing makes your partner feel more special than knowing you caught a Mitsubishi minivan out of the mountains and had to go from shop to shop looking for a working phone just so you could leave a message in the middle of the night on her voicemail. Send postcards. Buy gifts. Speak with your actions and not with your voice. 

Everyone’s fear is that your partner will get somewhere far away and realize that it’s a lot better being there without you. Hardly anyone who travels really feels like this. Always remember what it would feel like for you if the roles were reversed. The most important thing is reminding your partner that just because you want to travel to Israel alone for a month, doesn’t mean you want to travel through life alone, without them.