Encountering strangers on the road
Ko Phangan, Thailand
In one of the final pages of Fyodor Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov, the main character is speaking to a group of boys and encouraging them to harness the present moment in a way that will guide them in the future. He says, “And whether you are absorbed in the most important pursuits, reaching out for the highest honors, or struck down by the cruelest griefs, always remember how good it felt when we were all here together, united by a good and decent feeling, which made us…better people, probably, than we would otherwise have been.”
In all human interaction, there is that initial moment when we meet someone. Often little comes of these first encounters but other times—times when individuals are united by a “good and decent feeling” and made “better people, probably,” than they otherwise would have been—something meaningful happens. For some travelers, strangers are people you try to avoid while you’re in a foreign context, because strangers are unknown variables, capable of causing you harm, of making you feel uncomfortable, or of detracting from your sightseeing agenda (I’ve experienced all these things). For other travelers, particularly solo travelers who have no other company, strangers are one of the most alluring reasons for traveling abroad. If travel is about seeing what lies around the bend, rest assured that strangers will be somewhere around that bend.
Granted, I’ve met some strangers who ruined my day, made me wake up in a hospital, and, just this week, threatened to kill me as our four-hour “friendship” quickly soured after I declined an extortionate demand for money. But these are by far the exceptions, and they are not prominent in my long-term memory.
My travels would have been a shell of what they were had it not been for the strangers I met along the way and who truly became my friends. I mentioned four of these people, including a guesthouse owner named Bovy (above, talking with two travelers), in my book 30 Reasons to Travel. But in this post I’d love to hear about your own experiences, good or bad, with strangers on the road. Comments invited.
August 4th, 2010 at 8:45 am
Meeting strangers when you travel is one of the perks of traveling. You never know what a profound affect the people you meet will have on your life. And, who knows, you could become life long friends.
August 4th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
So true, so true. I love the experience so much that I have to be careful not to force its occurance. There is a delicate balance between being ready for an encounter and pursuing an encounter. The former seems to work the best for me. I wrote a story about one of my most memorable “stranger” encounters on my blog. Here’s the link if you want to check it out:
https://landairsee.blogspot.com/2010/01/anecdotes-entry-number-three-kiwi-drug.html
August 4th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Well, this story is not strictly a travel story, except that i had just moved to a new state (New Mexico), which is quite a leap in terms of environment, culture, and atmosphere from the rest of the country. Three weeks after i moved, my lovely 25 year old Volvo (deemed the best 25 yr old engine my mechanic had ever seen, but i guess he missed a spot), died a sudden death on a road about 9 miles out of town (and there is no bus service 9 miles out of town). Less than 10 minutes later a neighbor had picked me up. I swear if i had still been in CO i would have been sitting by the side of the road 2 days later. Yet another neighbor/stranger drove me to and from work (about 15 miles) for a WEEK until i was able to sort out the car issue. This kind of thing happens regularly still here in New Mexico, but i have not found that to be the case in a lot of other parts of the US, sadly.
August 4th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Imagine that you are sitting quietly, looking out the window of a boat meant to tool tourists around on a big man made lake for a few hours. Then a few minutes later a fairly large group of middle aged Korean men descend on “your” section of the boat. They see you and of course they are doing to sit with you – you are a young, attractive American woman alone, at first they make jokes in Korean but then they start to speak to you in English and they are now joking around with you. And then you learn they are all part of a Presbyterian church group on a church leadership retreat.
I almost got up and left because I thought they wanted the whole section, but the one guy told me it was ok to stay and I did. And you know, I’m really glad I did. The one guy sitting next to me was a retired three star admiral from the navy, the one guy sitting in front of me is a retired Washington DC bureau head for some Korean news publication, the guy next to him is a former customs guard. I had the best time with these gentlemen!
Then the food comes out. First a cucumber is being cut up and given out and I am offered some. How do you explain to these nice fellas that cucumbers and my belly don’t get along all that well, and I really felt bad refusing the offer, but for my sake later on I really had to. Then the squid arrives. It is dried, and when I saw it the first thought that popped into my head was squid jerky. Refusing twice would have been really bad and they would have thought I was rude, so I told the guy to give me a small piece and I would try it. He saw my hesitation and gave me a piece and I put it in my mouth. And you know what? It wasn’t all that bad. I even ate some more. I wouldn’t say it was good, but it didn’t make me gag and spit it out so I was down with it. Then a little while later another guy who I was also talking to (I never learned what he did) brings along some ice cream cones and these flat rice cake things. Both very, very yummy.
We talked about Korean politics, American politics, speaking English, what I did for a living, what they used to do for a living and other stuff in general. It was a very enjoyable afternoon and one of my favorite travel stories to tell. All thanks to a group of strangers!
August 5th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Every time I see a backpacker in my home town (Rio) I want to reach out and talk to them, but I’m always afraid they’ll be scared or freaked out or just uncomfortable. I sure have to practice my stranger-approaching skills before I set foot on the road myself. Any tips, anyone?
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