Vagabonding isn’t just for the solo traveler

When I first mentioned my new position at vagablogging.net to some friends several of them looked at me rather quizzically and said, “what do you know about vagabonding? You’re married.”

It wasn’t exactly the response I was looking for, but I realized that, in the general public’s mind, “vagabonding” is synonymous with single. Even among committed vagabonds there’s no shortage of those who see traveling with a friend or partner as somehow less authentic than traveling alone.

I realized my friends weren’t alone when I ran across John Flinn’s recent piece about what he calls “militantly solo travelers” over at SFGate.

While Flinn admits that many of the arguments for going solo are somewhat valid — there’s no alternate agenda pulling you around, no distractions from the culture you’re in, nothing but you — he’s also not a fan.

Certainly one of the joys of vagabonding, as opposed to other forms of travel, is confronting yourself and going it alone. After all, many vagabonds go it alone out of necessity — it isn’t easy to convince other people to travel for extended periods of time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to come off as part of some militantly not-solo crowd. I spent eleven months traveling through Southeast Asia alone and I have no regrets. Sure it would have been nice to have someone around to say, “wow, did you just see that?” but I learned a lot about myself in the process.

That’s one of the common refrains you’ll hear from the militantly solo crowd — traveling alone makes you more exposed, more honest and more in touch with the world around you. Flinn quotes Jonathan Raban who claims, “you’ve got to go naked into the world and make yourself vulnerable to it, in a way that you’re never going to be… if you’re traveling with your nearest and dearest on your arm.”

Now, I don’t know Jonathan Raban and I’ve never traveled with him, but I’ll let you in on a little secret about my time in Asia — I wasn’t really alone the whole time. In fact I spent far more time in company of fellow travelers I met along the way than I did alone. I was traveling by myself yes, but I was rarely alone.

Maybe I’m just not hardcore. Maybe I’m missing something. Call me crazy if you will, but I like meeting people, locals, travelers, everybody. And the idea that you won’t meet people when you travel with a partner is just silly. In fact I’ve found, especially as a man, you’re much more approachable when you’re with someone else. It’s like a voucher that says, no really, I’m okay, and I have at least one person who thinks the same.

And far from being a distraction, the people I met and traveled with helped me get more out of my experience than I likely would have alone, and several of them remain among my closest friends.

In fact, I’ve never really met anyone who truly traveled alone for extended periods of time. Unless you’re going off into the woods like Thoreau, or are purposefully asocial, chances are you’re going to meet some fellow travelers, probably share some beers, perhaps split a room to save money; and I fail to see how that’s any different than leaving home with a friend or partner.

Which brings me back to Flinn’s article. He has a little gem that I think doesn’t get said enough: “I have a message for those who’d rather travel with a partner: it’s OK.”