Molvania: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry

I’m probably a little late to the party on this book (it was published a couple years ago), but I recently came across Molvania: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry, and it had me laughing uproariously in the bookstore, causing other customers to stare at me and shake their heads in disapproval. The book is the tourist’s companion to a fictional hell on earth, the country of Molvania, an Eastern European country whose most notable achievements are being the birthplace of whooping cough and the supplier of 83% of the world’s beetroot. A flawless parody of Fodor’s or Lonely Planet, Molvania has all the necessary information that a traveler needs.

On the Molvanian language:

There are four genders: male, female, neutral, and the collective noun for cheeses, which occupies a nominative sub-section of its very own.

On the culinary scene:

Another highly recommended eatery is Pjokotaz, a centrally-located restaurant popular with business-men and government officials. In addition to hearty stews you’ll often be served a side dish of hearty tsalusky noodles, which are similar to Italian ‘gnocchi’ or German ‘spaetzle’ except for the fact they’re hallucinogenic.

On the National Anthem:

It is sung to the tune of ‘What a Feeling’ from Flashdance, with the third verse generally considered optional, as it is in contravention of EU laws against racial vilification.

The book also includes updates and corrections to non-existent previous editions, such as “Hotel Jakvekz was mistakenly decsribed as appealing. It is infact ‘appalling’.”

Lucky for those of us too cheap to buy the book, there’s a companion website with enough info-tainment to waste at least a few hours at work.

Also check out their guides to Phaic Tan, “the world’s number one exporter of cocktail umbrellas and disposable chopsticks,” and San Sombrero, a Central American country popular for its “tropical charms, exotic lifestyle, and lack of extradition treaties with the outside world.”

Posted by | Comments (1)  | November 10, 2007
Category: Notes from the collective travel mind


One Response to “Molvania: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry”

  1. jimdmcd Says:

    This is just too funny !
    Thanks for posting this :}