Comments on: Is a long-term relationship compatible with a long-term trip?

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 03:52:08 +0000

I’d like to know what benleb decided to do, and if it’s working out for him so far. I’m in the same situation. I’ve graduated college and I’m ready to take off on an open-ended trip. The problem is, my girlfriend will be staying behind. I am so in love with her it hurts to think about – but at the same time I’m learning from other’s mistakes about choosing a woman over adventure and youthful life experience and regretting it later. If I come back I need it to be my choice, not because I promised someone I’d return. Additionally, I want to travel alone because I would (and have) felt like it was my responsibility to protect the woman I loved. This would result(and has resulted) in added stress and less spontaneity and freedom. (This could be the reason benleb preferred to travel alone, in addition to it being easier to meet people when you aren’t tied to someone the whole time).

Also, my girlfriend claims to never want to get married and never have kids (I admit it’s a very new age mindset, but I respect her outlook). I, however, want to eventually get married and have a kid (in 6+ years of course). I fear that bringing this up as a reason (in addition to travel) would make her “change her mind” in an effort to keep me around. This means I could be married to the woman I love and potentially have the life I seek – but put a gimp in my travel plans.

What do you guys think – travel the world or stay in my loving, healthy relationship of 2.5 years years? (I’m 24 years old)

Additionally

By: Christine Gilbert

Christine Gilbert — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 23:55:24 +0000

This isn’t really about travel, it’s about relationships in general. If you’re not building a life together with the two of you as the main priority, then where is the relationship? It sounds like your paths crossed for a bit, but I’m not seeing this as “The One”. If it was, there would be no question about whether you’d stay together. My husband and I have traveled together, traveled apart, moved cross country, moved overseas, but it’s never been negotiable that we’d NOT be together.

I say, move on, thank your stars that the house-buying served as a tool add some clarity about whether this would work (before you wasted too much time) and travel your heart out.

PS I wonder why you specify that you’d be traveling solo? Are you against traveling with a partner if they were willing?

By: Zack

Zack — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:16:44 +0000

I was in the same position 10 years ago. I chose the woman over the trip. It was certainly a 51-49 decision, but now I have the world through my children who have been to biggest vacation/trip/experience of my life (not to mention the joys of marriage to my best friend). I am not saying you should pick the girl over the trip… god knows a day doesnt go by when I dont wish I was traveling. Just be sure to recognize “the one” girl when you have her and dont let her go by. I will be in my early 40′s when my kids are out of the house, plenty of time remaining for world travel. Till then, we travel the US and some of Europe as money allows.

By: deanna

deanna — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:27:02 +0000

go on the trip now or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. if the relationship is meant to be, it will all work out after you get back. besides, why buy a house together if you’re not married?! you have no solid commitment to each other right now. live free!!!

By: Nicolai

Nicolai — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 07:21:14 +0000

She wants a house more than she wants you.

Run away. The world awaits.

By: mexican commie

mexican commie — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 16:15:05 +0000

Nut up benleb and DTMFA!

I have zero respect for anyone who doesn´t live “like a monk” regardless. Who needs all that house-HDTV-sports car-middle class garbage anyway. I have a bike and a studio and savings in Mexico, and I´m not even planning a trip, but I could go if I wanted to. And when I´m in the US I just work and live in my car and pay my friends for shower access.

Besides, the American middle class dream is over. Don´t take on the mortgage debt, you´ll never pay it back under the oppressive police state that´s coming anyhow. How do you think they´re planning to pay back the debt they just incurred? Oh sucker, what big arms you have!

Keep that passport valid.

By: soultravelers3

soultravelers3 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 05:20:09 +0000

YES, absolutely! A long-term relationship IS compatible with a long-term trip! We have been on an open ended world tour traveling non-stop going on our 4th year now & it has been fantastic for our marriage! We just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary & the last 4 years have been the best ever for our family!

Timing is everything in life & clearly benleb and his girlfriend are clearly on 2 very different tracks. His instincts sound much wiser to me (as it is REALLY a dumb time to buy a house with the market continuing to fall for some time and the dollar in deep doo doo! IMHO).

He should let that relationship go and follow his dream before life passes him by. In time he will find someone new who is more compatible with him and one needs shared values for a happy long term relationship!